Same shit! Different Day!!

Well well!!! Here i am again. . .seriously getting nuts here. . .dont knw wat to do. . .got nuthing to do and as they say empty mind is devils abode. . .i wont say i allow devils to get inside my mind. . .but there are many other things that seep through the perimeters and truly rob me of my relief. . .if to say truly i feel i am surrounded by a bunch of evil gooddoers who just want to make u believe that they are gonna be there for you. . .but as soon as u let ur guard down. . .they backstab u. . .i am already too down and seriously i dont want anyone to kick me right now. . .i am in a state of complete chaos. . .as if i asked someone to colour my life with chaos. . .did i????

Fuck you!!!!

New things first. . .nowadys i am disgusted with me and my life and the saddest part is that i am not unhappy bout that. . .my present condition is like a alzhiemric whore in a whorehouse. . .she knws shez continually getting screwed. . .and shez not even getng paid for that. . .:((
Why everything you want. . .nvr comes to you when u want it??? And will come to you wen obviously u don’t need it huh???
I guess god works in a really mysterious way. . .but honestly i wont call it mysterious i would call it shitty manner. . .no offense big guy. . .i truly adore all the work u do for all us low lives. . .but i kinda admit the fact some things do suck!!
I am not quite sure on wat context i am saying all that but seriously i am in deep down shit right now. . .dont know wat to do to get out coz seriously i am not getting a ray of light. . .
I knw wat u will say to me now that if u get all u want u never understands the value of it. . .but as far as i knw i never took anything too lightly not to note their value so i guess its partial hell on me. . .i always wanted to be the right guy. . .the perfect son. . .perfect brother. . .perfect friend. . .i knw i kinda screwed a lot in that too. . .not something i am really very proud of but. . .i really tried. . .i wish i was someone better. . .i wish i had some other life but everything just turned out to be in shit and to tell you not even worthy shit like they say in movies and books. . .that to get something u should go through some shit but this shit doesn’t thinned when i had enough i just keep on getting thicker and thicker. . .like i needed that huh????
Do i really look in the desperation on some more shit huh????cant i guess its a little bit my turn of getting some sunshine. . .or anything just typically. . .not shit again!!!! I wanted to be the main actor of my story but anyhow i just turn out to be the supporting cast!!!!:-O
Why always i have to stuck up with things i don’t want in my life??? I never wanted to have everything best. . .i swear i nvr did. . .i just wanted wat i think was ok not too big. . .all i wanted was her but somehow u have something greater planned for me. . .so now answer me one thing. . .did i ever asked you to make some really great plans for me???let me recall how many times i have asked that. . .ummm. . .hmm. . .huh. . .ya i counted. . .it came NONE. . .as in zero. . .as in nothing. . .but i guess u r generous enough to have something greater for me in the sack. . .i can never be thankful enough for that. . .i swear i am. . .but for once let me help out in this one. . .i am just asking. . .i am not threatening you. . .by i saying i wont believe in you. . .or. . .like i would stop admiring you . . .coz i wont i believe in you. . .i always will. . .but m asking u a favour as a man to a man. . .a friend to another friend. . .a son to a father. . .just help me in. . .u knw wat shit i am going through. . .i am not asking for anything big. . .just one signal thats all i want. . .its not a big thing to ask for. . .i mean u r the big guy!!! The almighty. . .u can do that there should be nothing wrong bout that huh???or is it???
Well i guess thats enough for today. . .and remember dude. . .no offense. . .evrything said i just rhetorical. . .lolz. . .i don’t evn knw what that means i just typed that. . .pretty strange huh??? Well i guess talk u soon. . .m waiting for the signal. . .and ya i will call u soon:)

Is my presence indispensable?

Is my presence indispensable?
Or am I of just no use?
Can you show me the road?
Where my luck with life will diffuse?
Why am I so close to failure?
I think success is shy
I just wish,
I could have my head held high.
I can't do that I wonder why?

My instincts tell me I am about to die
Leaving no flame only smoke
And the people relieved,
That the smoke is gone,
Between life and death I am torn.

I am like the storm that flows towards destruction
With no stopping, the time grows.
When the speed breaker is too much to take,
The time is lost like a delicious cake.

To admit failure is death.
And at the moment, I am lying in its bed.
Cant this life let me live?
And stop me from breaking down like this?

Why am I so defenseless?
Why does everything seem so senseless?
Am I the one to blame?
I can do with being a little resent less.

But in my heart,
The spark is still there.
Despite the suffering mocking at it.
The hope shall sprout from the ashes,
And I will bear it in my heart forever.
As comes morning after night,
Light after dark,
I will certainly live with the spark.

You try to scare me. . .fuck you. . .u can only try. . .

strange shit happened today. . .and believe me if i say strange it gotta be strange. . .so here i tell you what happened. . .more than three months ago, i was having fun in a class. . .and a girl tried to hit me that time and i caught her hand in self defense. . .i hold her hand. . .and today her boyfriend came to me of all days to fight for that "assault". . .and they tried to scare me that anytime if i tried even to talk to her they would break my face. . .told you its strange. . .they tried to scare me as if they can. . .and i am still not scared as in fact i am not. . .they said me that i should apologise her. . .i said ok!! i assaulted her i should apologise. . .and i called her to say i feel sorry(but believe me i was not. . .as i did nuthing wrong). . .but when i said sorry to that bitch you cant believe me what she said. . .she said its something she can never forgive me for that as if i raped her!!!!. . .i wanted to say fuck you bitch!!! but as her sonvabitch boyfriend was there i said ok then try it. . .as if i care???
now i am thinking about one thing either that girl is so dumb that she came to know i assaulted her after three whole months. . .or i am too smart that she hates me and wants to get rid of me. . .i doubt the second one. . .
Another scenario. . .her boyfriend has got nuts in fact of brain. . .i also agree with this one. . .i kinda agree with both shez dumb and her boyfriend got nuts as brain. . .
so i take this time out to tell those dogs and bitches if you try again to scare me. . .you dont knw how bad i can be. . .its not a statement. . .if i am good i am really good. . .but if i am bad you just wish. . .dont judge a man by his size coz if you take this lightly i will show you that how a man complete a child's job. . .;)

And i wanna summerize all think by saying. . .FUCK YOU!!!!!

Feeling lonely. . .:((

well it has been quite a time from my last blog. . .so here i am again. . .throwing punchlines and noone cares. . .well spend all the time doing some crazy shit. . .watching two and a half men telethon. . .it was fun. . .and not to forget The Family Guy. . .its also too good to believe. . .some dialogues of the second one are quite cool. . .i think evryone should see these. . .now coming to the point why the hell i am spending all my time watching that shit??? the reason is i have no one to talk to. . .thats the only reason i started my blog apparently. . .i guess i have to do something really fast. . .if i dont wanna die alone and boring. . .believe me i could have died of being boring. . .its not like that i have no one to talk to. . .saying that would be just mere stretching the condition. . .i have friends but all are busy. . .and i dont knw what they have been busy in. . .damn those morons. . .lolz. . .but really i am too bored to tell. .and that coz i am feeling lonely in a crowd of not so complete strangers but to come to point ya strangers. . .i tried callin all my frnds but evrytime i call they are busy. . .and they promise me to call back. . .and i am still waiting for their call back. . .if not even call at least miss call. . .i dont mind getting a miss call just give me a signal that even u wanna talk to me. . .u also miss me the way i miss you. . .
in the last i would like to conclude evrything with. . ."Damn you vile People!!!" lolz. . .

Today is my last day in delhi, as my holidays are over. . .now i need to get back at college. . .which is in andhra pradesh. . .bless me. . .but its not that bad place. . .i mean its open. . .which is good. . .but for the first time in my life i dont wanna leave delhi. . .everything has just gone right for the first time. . .from childhood it was nmy dream to leave delhi and go outside to study but i guess everything changed in the last three months. . .i have always been shy between people. . .but this time i was actually talking, i was able to converse with people without any problem. . .which helped me to actually talk to the girl i have been in love from past four years. . .for first time i rally felt like talking to her. . .we talked a lot in comparison to last four years of silence. . .but nw everything gonna change again. . .f@#k why??? i mean for the first time i was actually talking to her and now this shit comes in b/w. . .shez the only person i think about evrynight and morning. . .i usually don't wake up early in the morning but whenever my eyes just open i send her a good morning msg whether i wont be able to keep my eyes open to read reply. . .whether sleeping or awake shez the only one on my mind. . .i am only telling this here coz i knw she wont be reading it. . .i just want to express that yeah i live my life for you. . .i never really meant to love you, as you were my friend, but i just accidentally fell in love with you. . .
and this is not only because of her, i don't wanna leave, shez just one among the reasons. . .in past months i have found my life. . .or to say found a way to live it large. . .found old friendship again. . .and inherited some of my fathers prized possessions. . .which are really too close to me. . .and did i mentioned long lost friendship. . .it was the most beautiful part of these holidays. . .chao. . .will see you soon. . .

De profundis clamo ad te domine

I am quite new to this thing, so really I don’t know what this blogging is all about. . .I read somewhere it’s like online diary. . .And I didn't got the point. . .Why would anyone would like to share his/her daily activities and experiences with all the people of world. . .As in my views diary is something private. . .And why would other people even be bothered to read about your daily day to day activities. . .but I guess I was wrong. . .This thing can really help you in venting out feelings. . .Things which you want to say and can’t say can be expressed here . . . I think that was the reason of inventing it in first place . . .
so now I will start getting to the point the reason of starting blogging suddenly . . .
The reason is I am feeling too empty . . . It’s something you can’t explain, you can just feel the numbness of it. You want to talk to your friends about it but they don’t seem to get you, or are very busy in their life, or they would say I would call you later, but the moral of the story is that they don’t have spare time to listen to all of your nonsense.
In between one of these empty feelings I came upon to read this "De profundis clamo ad te domine", a friend of mine posted it on his profile, I was eager to know what it really meant, and I searched for it, to my surprise, the meaning of this prose was describing the same condition I was in, it meant "Out of the depths, I cry to you, Oh Lord."
It hit me hard . . . it was all I was looking for, a sign for help, and then I got it; I have to call for help to the big guy, the almighty. but I was not ready for it, as being a male, I have some ego issues, we don’t ask for help that easily, great personalities like us works on the principles of rocket, unless and until our ass is on fire, we don’t do a thing

But one thing i also knew, I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.., but at last i decided to keep my mind on straight track what all i need to do is to get some divine light, go the big guy for some help. and i think i am gonna do that, now onwards. Amen