The awkward feeling

Well this one I am writing from my class so I don’t know for how long I would be able to write. . .I don’t know what has happened to me. . .I am feeling such hollow inside. . .it’s not a feeling that I feel usually. . .but it is somewhat that can turn your gloomy morning into a sad one. . .o.O. . .bad, isn't it???

well I guess I will be okay in some time. . .I always do. . .so better just avoid the cussing part, coz its going to do no good. . .but ya sure it gives you a illusion of feeling some better. . .

it had been so long I guess now I have been writing here. . .and I have never told anything about myself. . .so I think I am going to today. . .I am a just a simple guy with lot of acquaintances but less friends. . .practically I think I cannot and I don’t even trust more than five or six ppl in my life. . .and I found that very disturbing. . .think about it. . .you spend your school life with a bunch of people but in the end you don’t remember your name and neither do they. . .what’s the benefit of this living when u were not even been able to make your name recognise to someone. . .what the benefit of this hollow life. . .are we just here to live our life. . .maybe marry someone so that we have some more people joined to our and their lives. . .but in the end no one remembers each other. . .you don’t even have to wait till the end to realise that. . .you can realise that just now also. . .take out your seventh standard school pic or anything just before that or tenth standard. . .and try naming everyone. . .you wouldn't quite remember your supposedly friend's name from those innocent 30 faces. . .and it’s not only your case they will be missing out your name too. . .coz that is what we are reaping in our lives nowadays. . .just do this hollow routine. . .of studying, getting job, getting married, children. . .and then the same shit starts for them. . .just same shit different generation. . .

You would ask me if we don’t so that then what do we do??? and I would say nice question, , ,that’s what I was waiting for. . .we are supposed to do that I get that. . .but can’t be have a little fantasy of ours, a little safe haven for us that for once in life I would do that. . .and make my children do too. . .just for getting out of this rut or life as we call it. . .like I have been thinking a lot these days. . .that once I get enough money to get a caravan. . .I would go on the road for at least three months. . .staying away from this chaos. . .I don’t know if I would ever do that. . .that if I would be able to break those bonds free. . .but I know for sure that feeling of knowing that I want to do that will keep me sane for a while and help in nit turning in those mechanical ppl. . .who work, eat, sleep. . .

I think I want to be like my parents. . .who still have enough time not only for me but for our family, the whole big old family,. . .in this chaotic word. . .they taught me everything they learned about our culture, our life. . .but as how much I wanted to remember all that but I can’t. . .but I try every now and then coz one thought strikes me like a hammer on hot iron. . .that if they tried teaching me 100% and I wanted to learn 100% but got only 10%. . .then what this information I am going to pass along to my children. . .coz I would only be able to pass the 10% share and if they are not willing to learn, what will happen to the traditions and culture and ideologies of our generation. . .

I guess the 10% rule of science works in life also . . . o.O!!! Never thought about that earlier . . . huh . . . well I bet I have. . .

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Crow's Zero III

Well i guess we had a crow’s zero in our college too. . .it was kinda not that intense like that Korean movie. . .it was intense in verbal part only. . .but ya some fight also happened. . .everybody got hit and also hit somebody. . .some of my calmest friends went to jail for it also. . .but i guess that fight was necessary. . .well lemme explain everything frm the beginning. . .one week ago some guys came to two frnds of mine and started messing with them. . .and started forcing the girl to sleep with them. . .not figuratively but literally. . .other one took mobile phone and wallet frm the guy. . .robbing them of money was ok but they really stepped forward when they forced the girl. . .i can’t even write here how much angry i was then. . .we complained to the authorities. . .but no result came . . .we still were silent. . .but after one week the day finally arrived. . .when the guy actually spotted one of those low-lives and we just went there to talk to him. . .just ask his name and department. . .so that we can file a complaint against him. . .but he was not one of those who speak silently. . .he called his friends. . .and we called ours. . . everything was goin quietly but them some of us start pushing us. . .and then it got more and more rough. . .they started pushing my frnd i pushed one of them and then somebody just punched me. . .i got agitated by the pain and agony. . .the old anger of that day erupted. . .and i punched some guy direct on face. . .my hand is still aching frm that incident. . .my frnds saw me beaten up by a bunch of guys and stepped forward. . .those two were like the calmest person i ever knew. . .one of them punched the molester guy so hard that it started bleeding. . .somebody called the police. . .it was chaos everywhere. . .since they were bleeding they were thought victims. . .and some of us got caught by police. . .u knw wats the best part it was 70 of us against 200 guys and still we were only arrested. . .police didn’t even considered that assaulting a girl is a crime. . .but fighting to save your ass is a crime. . .fighting to save your friend is a crime. . .asking for your money and mobile phone back is a crime. . .well it went well but some of our guys got into jail for it. . .this shit was also in the news. . .well not on our side to warn u guys off. . .but yeah it was still on news. . .here’s a link of that newspaper. . .read it guys. . .u will find out that the punch of a single guy is compared to iron rod there. . ."http://www.hindu.com/2010/03/06/stories/2010030663910500.htm

well....umm...no comments...

well fellas m bak...or to say well hello nowhere m bak again...writing here is so much fun...the best part is that i knw noone is reading...so i can vent out my feelings here...or to say most precisely i just come here to vent my feelings only...no offense fellas...its just the truth...previously i have wrote some stuff that if i had said at those ppl's face i would have surely banished from the group...so today i am not gonna bitch bout somebody coz i simply grew up small thnings doesnt matter me anymore...today i am in for a introspection...lets see wat i did so far this year...this year i made a resolution of letting go of things and ppl...so far soo good...i really got overmany things this past whole month... i wont believe it that i actually did it...but yeah i did it...and m really happy with my progress...i wouldnt have actually made that resolution if i was happy with some ppl and their habits...but nw those things dont even matter...i have got ppl of greater importance to think of...

Greater Good!!!

Same shit! Different Day!!

Well well!!! Here i am again. . .seriously getting nuts here. . .dont knw wat to do. . .got nuthing to do and as they say empty mind is devils abode. . .i wont say i allow devils to get inside my mind. . .but there are many other things that seep through the perimeters and truly rob me of my relief. . .if to say truly i feel i am surrounded by a bunch of evil gooddoers who just want to make u believe that they are gonna be there for you. . .but as soon as u let ur guard down. . .they backstab u. . .i am already too down and seriously i dont want anyone to kick me right now. . .i am in a state of complete chaos. . .as if i asked someone to colour my life with chaos. . .did i????

Fuck you!!!!

New things first. . .nowadys i am disgusted with me and my life and the saddest part is that i am not unhappy bout that. . .my present condition is like a alzhiemric whore in a whorehouse. . .she knws shez continually getting screwed. . .and shez not even getng paid for that. . .:((
Why everything you want. . .nvr comes to you when u want it??? And will come to you wen obviously u don’t need it huh???
I guess god works in a really mysterious way. . .but honestly i wont call it mysterious i would call it shitty manner. . .no offense big guy. . .i truly adore all the work u do for all us low lives. . .but i kinda admit the fact some things do suck!!
I am not quite sure on wat context i am saying all that but seriously i am in deep down shit right now. . .dont know wat to do to get out coz seriously i am not getting a ray of light. . .
I knw wat u will say to me now that if u get all u want u never understands the value of it. . .but as far as i knw i never took anything too lightly not to note their value so i guess its partial hell on me. . .i always wanted to be the right guy. . .the perfect son. . .perfect brother. . .perfect friend. . .i knw i kinda screwed a lot in that too. . .not something i am really very proud of but. . .i really tried. . .i wish i was someone better. . .i wish i had some other life but everything just turned out to be in shit and to tell you not even worthy shit like they say in movies and books. . .that to get something u should go through some shit but this shit doesn’t thinned when i had enough i just keep on getting thicker and thicker. . .like i needed that huh????
Do i really look in the desperation on some more shit huh????cant i guess its a little bit my turn of getting some sunshine. . .or anything just typically. . .not shit again!!!! I wanted to be the main actor of my story but anyhow i just turn out to be the supporting cast!!!!:-O
Why always i have to stuck up with things i don’t want in my life??? I never wanted to have everything best. . .i swear i nvr did. . .i just wanted wat i think was ok not too big. . .all i wanted was her but somehow u have something greater planned for me. . .so now answer me one thing. . .did i ever asked you to make some really great plans for me???let me recall how many times i have asked that. . .ummm. . .hmm. . .huh. . .ya i counted. . .it came NONE. . .as in zero. . .as in nothing. . .but i guess u r generous enough to have something greater for me in the sack. . .i can never be thankful enough for that. . .i swear i am. . .but for once let me help out in this one. . .i am just asking. . .i am not threatening you. . .by i saying i wont believe in you. . .or. . .like i would stop admiring you . . .coz i wont i believe in you. . .i always will. . .but m asking u a favour as a man to a man. . .a friend to another friend. . .a son to a father. . .just help me in. . .u knw wat shit i am going through. . .i am not asking for anything big. . .just one signal thats all i want. . .its not a big thing to ask for. . .i mean u r the big guy!!! The almighty. . .u can do that there should be nothing wrong bout that huh???or is it???
Well i guess thats enough for today. . .and remember dude. . .no offense. . .evrything said i just rhetorical. . .lolz. . .i don’t evn knw what that means i just typed that. . .pretty strange huh??? Well i guess talk u soon. . .m waiting for the signal. . .and ya i will call u soon:)